Laziness as a Habit

I guess I'll just have to be blunt. I'm lazy. Undisciplined.

I took piano lessons this past summer. I love music. Honest. And yet my music books would sit on the piano bench gathering dust until the day before my lesson--or sometimes the HOUR before my lesson--until at the last moment I would try to cram. It didn't work when I took trig (either the first or second time...) and it didn't work with piano, either.

Occasionally, I could fake it. I would talk big to my teacher--"I loved this part of the song [because I actually know how to play it...], but I really struggled with this portion [I think...though I've only attempted it once so I don't really know]."

I'm not a horrible musician, but my talent is certainly not such that I could ever go professional...When I don't practice for my lesson, the stakes are not that high, though I have essentially thrown away some money.

But what about when this lack of discipline, this laziness, comes out in other areas of my life? What about when it effects my walk with God?

How consistent am I about reading the Bible? Setting aside time for quiet, focused prayer? Enriching and being enriched by a small community of believers?

When I am sad or confused, I devour my Bible like the essential food to the soul that it is. I fast. I drive to my favorite grassy field, that place where God met me so many years ago, so I can talk to Him and listen for His voice, uninterrupted, undistracted. When I am joyful, I revisit my favorite scriptures. I sing psalms of praise.

But then there's day to day life. That takes discipline, consistency. So often in the "bleh" of life, I'll perhaps read a few verses from the Bible (and not really think about them), breathe a quick "thank you for Your amazing blessings...please help me to follow You." And I'll collapse into bed. But would I really throw my leftover time to the Lord of my Life like that if I was really trying to let Him be Lord of my Life?

I hope I'd never treat a spouse or child of mine that way. Our relationship would suffer. Fizzle. So why do I treat my most important relationship that way?

I want to serve God's children more faithfully. Hear His voice more clearly in the little moments of life. Allow Him to shine through me to others in a deeper, fuller way.

But as I reach out, I must continue getting to know Him better, growing deeper in my relationship with Him.

He is loving, holy, good. Why would I settle for anything less?