I find myself leaning a lot on church staff these days.
What makes a "good" congregant?
How do I know if I am being overly demanding?
I know you care about all of your congregants, but I also know you have a lot on your plates. Are there things I should or should not do?
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12 comments:
i find these questions very interestng. i do not think i have ever seen anyone ask this before.
i will have to check back, i hope that there will be some responses.
Whoops. I misunderstood your question. My first comment was about what ministers ought to be doing for congregants. Sorry about that. Now on to your actual questions. I'm going to be very up-front in my responses here, so please bear with me.
Most folks in full-time ministry are there because they really believe the gospel and really want to help others with the love of Christ. Or at least they should. For the most part they are open and eager to helping members, even those with serious issues that may require a lot of attention.
Not all members need the same amount of assistance from church leaders. In seminary I heard a couple of different terms for members with lots of issues who put higher-than-average demands on staff members' time: HMDs (high-maintenance disciples) and EGRs (extra-grace required). I can relate to those terms both as a full-time minister today and an EGR from years ago.
My sense is that ministers are willing and eager to work with EGRs with serious, time-demanding problems if they have a sense that that person is really striving to grow and overcome his or her problems. Even if it takes years of counseling and coaching, there are few more rewarding experiences in ministry than seeing a brother or sister in Christ overcome past hurts or sins and to become more mature and focused in life-giving faith.
Unfortunately, every congregation, it seems, has one or more persons who want lots of staff attention but gives no indication of being willing to overcome the problems. There are few more frustrating experiences in minstry than pouring one's energy and time into the life of another person whose heart is set on self-destruction.
The difference between the EGR who is growing in faith and the one who just wants attention is usually not easy to determine. I'm fairly sure, for example, that when I was in my twenties I was a growing EGR but that some church leaders thought they were wasting their time on me (which, by the way, is why I relish opportunities to work with other EGRs today).
My advice to you, then, is to keep leaning on church staff as long as you need to, and don't feed guilt feelings about doing so. At the same time, don't play games with them--either by exaggerating your problems or by pretending they're getting better if they're not. Also, if you trust these people, take them at their word if they ever suggest you need to work through a given problem on your own. We usually don't like to hear it, but sometimes the best advice someone can give us on certain issues is, "Go and take care of that yourself!"
Finally, remember that your brothers and sisters in Christ can and should help you, but no other Christian can do your healing or growing for you. That doesn't mean you're on your own, of course. It means you need to lean on Jesus Christ in you and with you to heal, mature, and strengthen you.
Jesus can and does change us, from the inside-out. So we need to be doing a whole lot of praying--not only for ourselves, but for our church leaders, all our brothers and sisters in Christ, and for everyone else as well.
Peace.
Also, anonymous walker, your post has reminded me that I need to be praying right now, and I'll certainly be praying for you.
Thank so much for your helpful, detailed, and encouraging response. I am so blessed by the amazing people at my church...I hope in some small way I am able to do an okay job of showing them my gratitude...and perhaps as an EGR today I will be that much better at empathizing and reaching out to others...And thank you especially for your prayers. I really appreciate that.
It has been said that 10 percent of the church does 100 percent of the work. I have learned this to be quite true at the churches that I have been. I strive to inspire and encourage involvement and developing of ministries of those in the congregation. I think when people come up with their own ideas and how to carry them out they take ownership. I try to let the members find their talents. Develop the talents and gifts that God has given them. I think it is important that we encourage and spur one another on towards love and good works. When we do this true faith and relationship with God takes root.
Thank you for this great post.
Keep up the great work.
oooh, good question! I like that we are called sheep. In a simple way, we have one job, follow the Shepherd and know His voice! Hopefully, you also have some good shepherds who know you and vice versa.
I also think you should (if you haven't already) discover what gifts that God has given you to lift up and encourage the Body of Christ.
Thank you for your input, Preacherman. Your congregants are blessed by your encouragement and support. Your comment reminded me of what my pastor often says--that every Christian is a minister. That we each have a ministry, a calling. Some of us are called to be pastors, but all of us are called to be ministers.
Thanks for stopping by Cheryl!
I like the sheep analogy as well.It reminds me of how I need to spend less time trying to be perfect on my own and kicking myself around...and spend more time just listening for the Voice of my Shepherd and following His lead.
very insightful and encouraging responses.
HEY THERE! :-)
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