I felt like stopping by here tonight. My life has changed so much over the past six months--wholey because of what Christ has done for me. (I felt so stuck before, now I feel as if God is teaching me to take wobbly baby steps forward). So I wanted to stop by here tonight...

Happy New Year!

I was surprised that last year I actually kept all of my New Year's resolutions at least to an extent. My cooking only caught fire a few times. And I can now play several slow songs on the guitar.

On the last day of December, I was feeling pretty down, so I decided to make a list of the things I had accomplished during the year. I was surprised as the list grew and grew. I had made some good decisions in a difficult job situation. I had sought out help and advice when I was struggling in my faith. I had worked to develop my relationship with my brothers. I felt like a failure. But God was still working in my life.

But here's something I didn't even notice until days later--I hadn't even noticed that I'd fulfilled all my resolutions. Maybe this year I'll skip the resolution thing...

Happy New Year everyone!!!

Reformation (pt. 2)

"Here I stand, I can do no other, so help me God..."

I think I pay attention to Martin Luther, not so much because of the stand he took that helped birth the Reformation, but because of the internal struggles he wrestled with. I am sure that many of us can relate to his experiences, in one fashion or another.

Standing against our internal battles--battles of lust, or fear, or depression, or anger, or doubt--is often much more difficult than standing against an external foe. Perhaps the internal struggle Luther wrestled with for so many years helped prepare him to take his stand that day in 1517.

Reformation Day

Yesterday was Reformation Day.

"I cannot and will not recant anything, for to go against conscience is neither right nor safe. Here I stand, I can do no other, so help me God."

Martin Luther fascinates me...

What is your favorite Martin Luther quote, and why?

God is God (pt. 2)

I'm a perfectionist. It seems like such a Christian thing to be. To always be loving and kind always all the time...to never get angry...to never fall short in any way.

And then I mess up and feel guilty and horrible. It's the right thing to do, isn't it? To beat myself up?

I wear myself out trying to be perfect. Trying to be my own savior.

Lately I've been realizing little by little that I try to live out of my own strength. I try to forgive on my own. Try to love on my own. Try to repent on my own. Try to find God on my own.

Only through Christ am I able to love, to trust, to forgive...only through Him am I able to know Him.

God is God...I am not.

God Is God

This song, by Steven Curtis Chapman, touched both my heart and mind. I hope it will inspire you as well.

For those of you who are pastors, etc...

I find myself leaning a lot on church staff these days.
What makes a "good" congregant?
How do I know if I am being overly demanding?
I know you care about all of your congregants, but I also know you have a lot on your plates. Are there things I should or should not do?

Update

I haven't written in a long time I guess.
But I am always very grateful for your comments.
They mean a lot.

I have been visiting my aunt.
She is an amazing person, an amazing listener.
It felt so good to tell, and tell, and tell her my stories.
To feel known.

I went to the ocean one day with her to meet with God.
I prayed and prayed, and sang and sang.
And then a stillness.

As I walked along the beach, I looked down, and there in the sand was a bracelet.
A brown bracelet with wooden beads.
Aunt said it was like God had given it to me.

I slipped on the bracelet and also picked up a little square rock, an igneous rock, and put it in my pocket.
Before my time with Aunt was over, we visited a labrinth, a labrinth where people leave their prayers and special things for God. I wrote a prayer on my rock and left it there for Him.

He gave me a bracelet.
I gave Him a rock.
Although like all gifts we try to give Him, it was really His in the first place.

Reflections on Hope

At first I didn't know why I was panicking. The traffic wasn't bad. I wasn't running late. And then I realized.

I was afraid to tell her about what happened. Horribly, deathly afraid. It seems like so much of my time is spent being the good Christian girl. Or the good co-worker. Or the friendly neighbor.

And I wanted so much to tell her about my secret, about my pain. But I was afraid. I felt like I was chocking.

So I vowed not to say anything about it.

I was still thinking about that drive later that afternoon at church.

I thought about how it is so, so difficult to take all the broken little pieces of our lives and turn them into a complete whole. We are a smiling face and a handshake, or the man with the old car. We are the person at the unemployment office, or on one end or another of a rape-crisis hot-line. We are smart and talented, or broken and suffering. But never complete, never all those things all at once.

And so I stood there trying to pray, trying to sing. And I prayed for healing.

And then God taught me something.
He is Love, purely and perfectly. And somehow He is able to take our broken secrets, my broken wounds, and transform them into something beautiful.
He is able to make sense of our past and transform it into hope for the future.

No one's story is too frightening, too broken, too hopeless when washed in the Love of God.